Bittersweet

Sometimes I just want to rant. My boyfriend is active duty right in the Marines right now. He is stationed states away from me and will be deployed for 7-8 months in January. When we first started dating he was in the reserves and I allowed myself to dismiss the fact that this could happen, and I’ve been mad at myself for doing that. I was devastated when he found out he would be going active. He’s always wanted to and I tried to be supportive but it was so shocking it was difficult to be happy for him. For now he still has his phone so we can text and call which I’m very thankful for, but I have no idea what it will be like when he’s deployed. I feel confident that we will survive it and come out stronger though.

We met online, my manager pushed me to use a dating site and he was using it because he worked 80 hours a week. I had multiple dates set up including one with my now boyfriend Danny, and for some reason I decided to blow everyone off but Danny before I even knew we would work out. We talked on the phone for three weeks. Our first date/the first time we met in person he took me to an aquarium, to dinner and on a nice walk. Our date lasted almost 12 hours. I didn’t want to leave and he didn’t want me to. He was so excited that I told him I wanted a second date. Two days later we were on our second date and I was his girlfriend 🙂 I was so happy and even though it was really fast it was wonderful and has been ever since…except him being gone.

Technically he’s not even deployed yet and this is so difficult. There’s days when I have no motivation and I’m just flat out sad. I can’t even use my school work to keep me busy no matter how much I have. Some things I enjoy are just not as enjoyable anymore because I’m always dwelling on him being gone. And evenings/nights are the absolute worse. I can try to stay fairly busy during the day with class, homework and work. But evenings/night completely drag; when I’m done with everything I need to do for the day and it’s too early to go to bed I find myself going crazy. I can only read and crochet and do other hobbies so much. I try not to let myself cry or anything like that because I’m sure I’ll be doing plenty of that when he is deployed.

One thing keeping me going is that he gets to come home and visit for a few days. And I’ve only got 32 days left to go!

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